blake ellington larson

yr in my clouds

and my thoughts are clouds

and so are you

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you can’t just press a leaf and hope it dries

it has to live a little

it has to know the sun’s heat

there will come a time when someone

will ask you

what is this dried for?

you have it so neatly displayed

is this the smell of comfort?

are you a time traveler?

have you been sent from

a half-dream

blinded by light?

do you know what year it is?

who is our president?

what color am i holding?

all i need is

a blank stage of postcard paper

a stack of some thirty ought six

or whatever

i need to make notes

this apocalypse is killing me

we had to take her car

’cause you were gone

and we couldn’t find you

i remember walking the train tracks

for no reason

we were so worried

we had to take her car

your ghosts are pillows

i didn’t intend

i am a man of stone

i know

where i come from

dear self

you are younger now

our love

broke

post

cards

(i do not know the cold like you know the cold)

everyone who’s ever loved me

still loves me

like an avalanche

you still me

to the bone

my greatest diatribe consists

soft air like sith

soft air like silk

two colors describe

what it is

to go with out

thirteen years ago to the minute

i was sleeping in my bed with a girl

we both had red dresses on

it was a hot summer

and a long story

i miss you amy

fuck you world

dear dark cliff

stay off

stay

 

i shed the haunt

i wrestle with want

i am

and i am not

 

when you got nothing to run to

you run from everything

sometimes it gets so quiet

i could throw a stone

my heart is the octopus guides me home to you

my pank-blast furnace

loves the technicolor in you

it wades dark movies – light

clips the clips

i set yr leaves

atop plops that ground yr gristle into soft light

i don’t mind

it was just a song

the fire waits

(for ray)

my forever is a little black book

i snuck into the fireplace

when you weren’t looking

i was awash in the great jet lag of your death

when it kicked in

do not lose your tribe

focus on the moonlight

dead body in the shade of daylight

wood and shadow

empty black

and white’s

on the golf course

but I

saw him

first

your ship is not chaos

and the sea is not angry

its’ heavy

is not the language

of crisis

the somnambulist in me is an evil twin i will never know

not the gallant

nor the gallop

knows my true name

jump it

chase yr squadron

yr cauldron

drip yr shades

drop yr vowels

cover up friend

it’s getting warmer out

the sludge is electric

it cuts the chords

siphons the urge

kills the tempo

the door to my heart was left wide open

i meant to finish this poem, but

my third world hugs have nothing to do with candy

i am not alone

this is not an island

my your spirit be shiny and sith

warrior

story

teller

my fury stares dim-witted dark tunnels, sometimes

to dare-stream is black circles i would were blank

forgive me, chorus

this is all new to me

i don’t eat horse

numbs my clatter

stuns the gums

my longdarknightofthesoul is not a short story

not anymore

she said

my tendrils are jasmines sleep me up at night

my skinny love is not the amulet sews you to me

i am plump now

your eyes remind me we’re in the middle of a hurricane

i send communion

i break before you break

i dip in

i suspend

i wait

wait

wait

i write the word sadness on my face when i go to sleep

in the morning, when the sun comes up

i play records remind me of cactusland

it’s so dark in my room, i have to turn up the volume

i take a shower and i brush my teeth

i feed my cat and i drive to work

in my rearview, i see nothing

my stories aren’t bent

they’re not folded, kept or birthed

my stories do not sit on cliffs of clay

they do not tell stories

i am quiet

i make like a cloud

in my mind

and then

i forget i’m a cloud

i lit a match when i was on fire

i was fifteen years old

i get hungry when i look at the water with you

my dinosaurs are poems i never turn into the songs i don’t sing anymore

amazes me the face i put to flame when

your aura was so staring at me

like, for the entire time i sang small for you

oh man, my background noise though

and those blizzards

 

amazing we didn’t catch on fire

city broke my heart

used to stand on it naked

in my daydreams

with a flag

used to conquer it

all over little and littler pieces of

paper that i hand covered purple

my neon was electric

i was a dark dark dark cupid

someone is always talking in the background

when you sing to me

my echo don’t exist

don’t want it

i yearn

opposite

dear tundra

fuck you

i can get used to the cold

i can beat you

my skulls aren’t poised

don’t

fit the guillotines

like they used to

my spirit demons these days consist

more parts breathing

than silence

i have no secret owls

my love is crimson

it is dark

and it is heavy

and i’m

ok with it

your suicide is not the amulet

i don’t keep on an invisible necklace

around my throat

i am a cloud

i am a sleepy cloud

there’s parts of me everywhere

my soul consists two colors

i am invisible

like you

good song melt yr veins

show it to me

you are a candle

you are not gone

iknowthat

wheniwalk

downthestreet

noteveryone

seesme

my future is horseback

i ride the whales

i look for comfort

everywhere

my silence

is a bed of scrolls

i let cherish

leagues ago

my heart went on a walk without me

stuck in the ravines, i

grabbed thistle by the handful

so we could get through

like battleship

my boats are land locked

they sink anchor for no reason

so still the waters

i forget i’m at war

my friends are mirrors

and they are good mirrors

my sexy beard

lost in the fog

gets lost in the sun

your spoon reminds me i’m bleeding

all those rusted cherries

oozing out

i am invisible to water

my footsteps

get lost in the rain

when my heart disappeared

i thought it was just the wind

i was so excited for winter

i lit a match

i did it

i started a fire

it was a beautiful fire

i invited no one

i am galactic and full

a’nerved like a peacock

i shoot from the hip

i strike balance like an enemy

and you know me

i am glacial

and i am not glacial

and i am worried

you don’t see the feathers i have

i scrub the tar from the tar

and i do it hard

i stare at the sunflowers

and they stare back

i rake the lawn from the leaves

i demolish everything

my dark, yr dark

i get lost in the spirit

i love you like i punch glass

like, you haven’t seen me punch shit

like, you haven’t seen my fury

like thunder cats

like cancer

can’t get the watercolor out my veins

remind me

i am not a ghost

i am not a ghost

i am not a ghost

i live on a farm

i don’t live on a farm

you live on a farm

so, good for you

you and your farm

just keep it to yourself

please

it’s getting old

i got a tattoo of yr face on my arm

it reads:  vacancy

and yea

it flickers

me and my dying wands fight embers

and we sing

in tandem

out of view reminds nothing

out of the gravel reminds nothing

your spirit is nothing

i gravitate

gravitate

to you

to you

(2010)

there are footprints in the sand

near the

roses you
planted a year or so after
your tenure was
severed by
your trigger finger

and the wind chimes stay
still chilled against

blurred leaves – busy noise

and the rain washes
the mulch from the mulch

‘it is midnight somewhere’
you used to say

i draw the blinds

i shut the door shut tight

i smell cigarettes

burnt wine

 

(2010)

there’s not enough time my friend

i’m telling you this because

i’ve seen the pavement

i’ve tasted its richness

i’ve cracked its hidden mystery

i’ve dined on its misanthropic demise

i’ve cured it’s sickness with mine

and i came crawling back

(2009)

my heart is sand

and death is water

if i get too drunk

please pour salt

on my head

(2009)

my new curse consists

half part lull – more part soul

a little part of me
wants revenge

petitions

on a soap box

just to say so

(2009)

my wish box lazily drifts your name across

pointer fingers that

draw clouds

the color the sky makes

when you’re gone

(2009)

paints christmas lights on

glasses that don’t

represent the blue

in the you

you are

 

(2009)

i stand still

molting

the leaves
i let leave
bony ribs
malnourished

like some kind of
unoriginal sin
my throat is as lump
as cats sleep

i crawl to the mirror

my long stares
offer
no new apologies

i am defeatist at best
and she points to where
i’m bleeding

how
my coat pockets
stain fingers
while i’m
a’ searching for pennies
in dark dark ink

and my ancient
clown mask sweating off

how soup lids
drip steam

(2009)

i can not stop imagining

pillowed eyelids

retina fluff
your gaze and mine
averting the blinding
blue

how
what’s hidden in the way
your eyes
match the color

how
your dress brings the sky
down
to earth’s eye level

mine

(2009)

i’m drinking your absence like absinthe

over a bitter’d (and sweet)

photoshop’d memory
of our love

and i’ve stopped everyone on the street
and it’s unanimous
the clouds do look heavy
and pregnant

II.

and i’m trying to reverse the way i painted your eyes
and i’m tossing arrows into black waters
and i’m singing to our love that dark matter
isn’t as dark as we’d imagined it

III.

as if my homeward bound stow-away anthems
could be the tin-pan army
my fingertips
were once famous for

my silent facade
would sings sheets and sheets and sheets and sheets
to the wind

IV.

and they’d ask
to please not howl
to please not
read aloud

V.

we’ve anticipated

your every move

(2009)

i wrote the song

in my daydreams

standing on a balloon

a red balloon

in the theatre

in my seat

(2009)

i stitched my arms to my sleeve so’s

i could wave my open heart in

mid-air above my hang’d head

i found a map i made from apples

the how-to-manifesto described
a secret box of postcards

i collected enough stardust to
whisper your name

i raced your camouflage melodies skyward

on full moons i’d
gather less magnetism

but i taught daffodils to bloom

and dried leaves in honor

of your passing ghost

(2009)

the light bulbs they rattle when shaken

and the alarm clock is

a panic’d robot

and the cats are out of food

and the walls are starting  to

wear away where
i’ve been worrying:

blank stares

sun and paper

(2009)

like iron heels

my horseshoes went untied

so
i studied like rain

how
the sadness and the city

galloped me home

faster

than i could run

(2009)

like rafts that float you to me

and not

the other way around

i will
with might

make an oar

out of the way
we swam

(2009)

imagine you are not of your dreams

that your dreams imagine you

imagine those dreams see clouds

imagine those clouds have dreams

imagine you are not
a choose-your-own-adventure

only better

moral
gifted
waiting

distinctions like distractions
only you are at ease

imagine the vibrato of love
like cake how it melts
like the icing on the cake
how it will never melt

how good songs really are
as a’ boiled like a pot can

how hot-water-mist
is but what was intended

how the windows stay clear

how everything
becomes liquid

(2009)

my breath now in sparkles shows no fade

save me from this cold

lets dissipate

only we’re older than that
this

II.

i stored my cold war anthems
in cold war journals by the fireside

so’s you couldn’t tell
day from night
light from life

got caught up in the super world frenzy
that becomes the moment that passes

like a balloon
i will wait
like a lover
i will wait longer
(2009)

my newest heart finds home in changed paintings

i’m caught

somewhere between the heartiest parts of rothko

and not

my ribbon theory these days

sounds like belles and seagulls

it’ll take me dog years

to get
this ringing
out of my ears

 

(2009)

surrounded by art kept in well-lit halls

we scripted our nonchalance with axes and wands

like a black swan orchestra
like an ugly duckling seminar
we amplified it

we let the curse become the course

laughed in tandem to scars we used to hide

drew cactus circles around our sunken eyes

we matched our thirst in spades

and we tried on glasses

and we made messes

and we drank blind to scratched records

and in the morning
my friends and i
made the sun sing opposite

only we sang it desperate

and sexy

we penned our harmonies against night’s inferno

we sang oblongs to pastures that need not

for we sang in private

we sang it loud

and in unison

we leaned in

on the walls of the church we were building

and beamed
with cryptic halogen smiles

(2009)

she has walls built and

laughs their paper-mache nonchalance

like blowing out birthday candles
in my face

she’s documented her
polaroid imagination in
sheets and sheets
upon sheaths of
unmanned notebook paper

like red-brick-silence
or
like lavender and lemon
her stories become
recipes

and her stillness
the way it all
piles and stacks and multiplies in
accidental butterfly movement
is but old lace and cinnamon

II.

like a great wall
teemed with light and air
and as far and as high
as the heart
can suggest

she mirrors my galaxy with hers

and i begin to feel
a hidden science
in the silence
of love

(2009)

i began telling stories in my dreams

started outright and familiar

drew neon buildings out of thin air

danced like godzilla danced
and flew over bridges – under

i crawled backwards invisible
stoic like ox on plains

i stopped time to make notes for future dreams
opened doors without keys but eyes

my aura like water
kept everything cool
as cats

like spider man and kerouac

ready for the world

(2008)

i hid my dream-like suggestions

in dostoyevsky titled postcards

and shuffled like stingrays
my bucketful of inkblots
into tired notebooks the same

i tried to hang myself with
the umbilical cord
that grew out of the
spark from your eyelashes
in the rain
that night i kissed you

i was on top of the eiffel fucking tower
singing a song
in my daydreams
with my magicians cape
and my
red paisley
handkerchief harmonica
when you called

i swam like pan
into that immense and

fading blue

climbed like
spider man
on a mission

stood as sturdy as
fallen trees
bent backwards

i studied like an acorn
how winter changes

i sat in the waterfall
and caught
enough internal heat

to step out of

tattooed shoes
guilt’d eyelids

i tried to broadcast our love
onto buildings
and billboards
at rush hour

i carved your aura
out of silent static
and butterfly wings

and danced like
gatsby’s guests

across night’s

brilliant ballroom

(2008)

my horseback theories

have all come back to haunt me

from now on
i’ll write my words
in sand

i’ll start early
in the mornings

clean the cob from the webs
the raft from the rafter

between my safety pills
and my hurricane stride

i’m pretty god-damned sure
you’ll notice

i’ve been walking on eggshells

(2008)